4-3-23 In my last post, I explored how being authentic means accepting that I am both human and spirit. And huzzah to all the folks who shared with me instances when they still claimed their bigness despite how unskillfully their humanness presented. Now, let’s go a little deeper exploring the topic of authenticity.

For a long time, it was my experience that in order to be a noble person, I also had to be an imposter. Most days included numerous moments of unskillfulness that led to feelings of doubt, worry, anger or fear. Again, in order to present the image of good or noble person, I thought having those human feelings had to be hidden, and therefore, I had to deny a large part of my human experience. Essentially it meant I was fragmenting myself and actually pushing away my wholeness and any chance I had to live authentically. There was a whole lot of pretending going on.

Then came the double whammy of “shoulding” on myself and making myself wrong. “I shouldn’t ever feel angry/upset/hurt,” or “I should never be judgmental,” and finally, “I should always be nice/polite/accommodating.”

Bullshit! I have happily learned that I should be exactly where I am and experience exactly what I am feeling in the moment. This is being true to myself and it is me being exactly authentic. My two expressions of Self are not separate, and they both deserve a voice. My life is made up of magical moments. In some of my moments I’m less skillful than I would like, and I get to learn from my mistakes (which can sometimes feel on the slow side). Other times I’m feeling pretty in synch with the flow of Life. In fact, often, I can seesaw back and forth rather quickly.

That’s it, that’s all being authentic means. I see my behavior, I acknowledge it, I learn from it. I also surround myself in compassion and I extend compassion to others. I make amends when I have to (whether to myself or an action to another person).

But the key point is always bringing my HeartSelf into the mix. There’s a whole lot I’ve learned from being human. One of the biggest gifts has been learning how to express my primal “cavewoman” in a healthier way; giving voice to her in a kinder and gentler way without continually hurting myself and others. Nowadays I satisfy my needs with guidance from my HeartSelf rather than following unconscious habitual patterns. I am so grateful for the journey…all of it. Today is a good day...and I make it so!