2-26-24 I was recently teaching a class on self-love. As soon as I mentioned the word you could feel a drop of energy in the room. As if it was something to be dreaded, something difficult and overwhelming. The consensus seemed to be: “I want more of it … but…” A multitude of reasons and excuses came forth as to why folks couldn’t or didn’t give themselves more love. Topping the list was “feeling undeserving”, with “it feels selfish” coming in a close second. Even when people believed in it, they realized they didn’t indulge in it more often because it just wasn’t a habit. Hmmmmm.

That non-deserving belief, which I have experienced often, is simply utter bullshit!!! Yes, it is true I make mistakes and I don’t always act and speak in a loving manner. Even so, there is nothing I could ever say or do; there is nothing I “should have” said or done but didn’t, that is a good reason to withhold love, compassion, kindness, or respect from myself. I am human and that’s what humans sometimes do.

We are all human and we will continue to forget our intentions to reside in our hearts and be an instrument of Love, especially to ourselves. It’s OK to forget…and it’s especially OK to show ourselves compassion for that forgetting.  We ALL deserve to love ourselves (and let others love us, too, for that matter) and there is absolutely no exceptions to this. I would recommend re-reading the paragraph above to yourself right now, and again, and again whenever you need to.

Showering myself in compassion when I slip out of my true nature (that knows only Love) is one of the best acts of self-love I can do. Other things I do for myself involve carving out some time in the day, or at least in the week, to do something fun – adventurous – nurturing – peaceful – inspiring for myself. I get to pick what that looks like each time.

If you’re like me, you’re a person who has a big heart and cares about others and that usually plays out as doing for others. But a good question to ask yourself is why would you give ALL your time away? Even having a young child to take care of, or a business to run, I always made sure to carve out some “me” time. There’s an old adage that our actions speak louder than words. Even as I told my daughter, Ari how special and important she was, it was even more powerful to demonstrate the truth of it by valuing my own worth enough to spend time on me.

 I have learned that self-love begins with self-inquiry, in order to become more aware of what I’m thinking and feeling. So…what’s the kindest thing you can say to yourself right now? What’s the most loving way you can go through each day, not just for those around you, but for yourself? Today is a good day...and I make it so!

2-1-24 I reprinted this blog I wrote 4 years ago, with some minor changes. I hope you don’t mind but it resonates a lot with me now, and I hope it does for you, too.

En-joy.

What does your world look like now? I don’t mean the world out there, I think we’d all agree it’s pretty dismal, although even then, when I look more closely, I find many examples of compassion, kindness and caring. But that’s another topic. I’m asking you about the world that you, and only you, create – your consciousness -- and how you are responding to the external insanity. Now more than ever, it is up to each one of us, my friends, to hold and maintain a cozy, warm cloak of peace around us.

Whatever is going on around me, I always remember words from A Course In Miracles, which I studied for quite a few years: “Deep within you is everything that is perfect, ready to radiate through you and out into the world.” That means that within me lies the wholeness and perfection of love, with its peace, ease, strength and hope. It’s always there, waiting to be accessed, but I so often let myself get distracted by the external. Then my head only screams gloom and doom, and feelings of chaos and despair are not far behind.

I remind you (as I remind myself) of additional powerful words, these from Sigafoose, one of my greatest mentors, who often said, “No retreat, no surrender, take no prisoners”. Taking these words to heart, I have become a strict guardian of what I allow into my thoughts. IT’S ALWAYS MY CHOICE. So, I invite you to engage in some self-inquiry:  explore your dominant thoughts, feelings words, and actions and notice whether or not they reveal that you believe and trust in a safe universe and that love will prevail. Or do they reveal a hidden counter belief?

You and I can choose love instead of fear at any given moment, regardless of whatever else we’ve chosen in the past. There was a time I literally repeated that to myself over and over until it stuck and I got it.

Join me in slowing down and becoming more aware of your thoughts…paying attention to whether you’re in your head and letting the world rule you or you’re in your heart and influencing the world…living more heartfully from the wholeness of love. Every time I read or hear something that is scary or just f****g unbelievable, I stop, go to my heart, and breathe into love. I visualize love in my imagination, I feel it in my body, I make it real and accessible and I remind myself I am in charge of my well-being. I’m also in charge of what energies I put out into the world. It’s time for a love revolution. We can - we do - we will - make a difference! Today is a good day...and we make it so!

1-22-23 I was recently involved in a group discussion around giving and receiving. Most of the people said they were big givers and not as capable of receiving. Does that ring true for you, too? If so, you might want to re-think that because receiving is a vital component of the circle of energy. Think about breathing in and out…one isn’t more important than the other; you can’t do one without the other and keep living.

I’ve always been a big giver and happily, now, I am big on giving AND receiving. I’ve learned the hard way, by losing a few valued friendships, that when I give without allowing the other person an avenue to give as well, resentments can build up. If I’m unwilling to receive, how can I expect others to receive? When I can’t, I’m not being a very good model, am I? That’s also important to me – I take to heart the phrase, “I am the change I wish to see in the world”.

 As I have learned to receive, I’ve really had to exercise my deserving muscle and let in my worthiness. It’s amazing how many limiting and disempowering thoughts I unearthed when I started examining this issue. Giving feels good to me, and as I learned to receive, I realized how good it also feels to open up to others’ caring and acts of appreciation. It also feels good to know that I am giving them a huge gift in allowing their giving.

The best thing about giving and receiving is realizing that both are going on at the very same time. There is absolutely no space between the two. Every single time I give, I’m receiving so much. Every single time I’m a receiver I am giving away a gift, too. Wahoo, now that’s connection within a web of Love!

Balanced giving and receiving is true abundance. As I give from a purer heart and am willing to be on the receiving end as well, I find that the flow of Life’s giving blesses me as well. Now I’m living the dream. I believe it was always there, as all the gifts of Life are, but until I stopped blocking it, how could I experience it? Stew and I have a motto now – “Don’t offer us anything if you don’t want us to take it – because we will!” How big a receiver do you want to be? Today is a good day...and I make it so!

1-10-23 Happy 2024 my friends. When I talk to people at this time of the year, invariably I get asked the question, “What New Year resolutions did you make?” My answer is absolutely none, I’m not a big fan as they have always tended to contribute to me feeling bad about myself, somewhere down the road, when I realized I hadn’t followed through. Sound familiar?

I have a different suggestion…I make an intention for myself. It narrows down to a single moment…this moment. I intend to go to my heart and remember Love is my source and my truest essence, and therefore, an active resource for me. Always working, always available. So, when I’m in the midst of difficulty, I can pause, breathe and ask for my heart’s wisdom, taking it forward.

Sometimes, though, I forget to do this. Instead, I entertain strange thoughts, I make mistakes, I’m unskillful in my communication, and yet…there is always some moment when I remember my intention.

Whether I remember it quickly or slower IT DOESN’T MATTER. Yes, perhaps I’ve been forgetful, unkind, judgmental or afraid. Yes, I’ve probably created complications in my head and in my relationships because of my forgetfulness (AKA being human) but IT DOESN’T MATTER. All that matters is the present moment when I say yes to Love. All that matters is that I acknowledge myself as Love, and, therefore, loved and loveable as well as capable of loving.

As I truly listen with the ears of my heart, I simply feel love filling me, opening my heart and softening my hard edges. I can now be receptive to my heart’s wisdom. Sometimes it tells me that I have to make amends, or it allows me to see from a different perspective. Then my natural kindness, compassion and joy kick in, flowing out of me, connecting me to the greater world, creating a healing.

I came here to be Love. I stand firm in my intention to say YES to Love in every moment, and certainly if I’m not achieving that, it’s OK, because my intention takes me into a future where I am Love in more of my moments, and gentler and kinder with myself when I forget. Aho to all of that! Will you join me? Today is a good day...and I make it so!

12-20-23 A friend recently said, “when I’m doing everything right, then life feels like teddy bears and roses. And when life isn’t going right, I make it mean I’m doing something wrong, and I beat myself up”. Wow…right?! Do you see yourself in that statement? Too often, I allow my brain to lead me down the fight or flight path. I forget to get back into my heart where I know I’m ok, even with whatever schmutz I find myself in and whatever it’s bringing up for me.

Tonight is the Solstice…the promise of the return of the light. That must be especially welcome when you live in the far North. I use the Solstice as a great opportunity to affirm the Light within me and build the flame into a bonfire. But how about when we put ourselves in the “far North”, when we evict ourselves from our heart, and everything seems so dark and overwhelming, where we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s how I felt when I awoke this morning, and every fiber of my being was resisting doing a ceremony. Yesterday I had a difficult meeting with someone, and I was feeling raw, beaten up and stepped on. I recognized my inner child’s need for fairness coming out, with her stubbornly saying, “I’m not going to look for the light…I’m going to stay here in the dark even though I know I’m sabotaging myself.” This was an extremely old pattern of hurt reaction. So, I voiced a very heart-felt sigh – and proceeded to do my self-work.

First and foremost, I gave myself compassion, right where I was and just as I was expressing - for where I was in my consciousness, for how I felt, for what I had experienced to bring me to this depth. Gentle, baby steps of self-compassion.

Then I asked for help. I reached out and had a call with a friend, who reminded me she knows a different Hillary. And when she does see the “faults” in me, she loves me anyway. That helped me remember that I can always love me anyway as well—because I am love and I am lovable. I’m hoping you have friends like that, too.

Please, in this season of Light, however you may celebrate the holidays, take hope that even when you’re struggling with the darkness and feeling so bad, there is something within you that knows the light…every cell in your body came from the light; it was birthed from Love, from original goodness. You deserve to claim, “I Am the Light”, so I invite you to join me in diving into being willing. If you can’t dive in, take some baby steps like the ones I described above. As long as we’re heading in the direction of our heart, we’ll always get there. And when we are willing to give up even the merest shred of beating ourself up to be a smidgeon more gentle with ourselves – the spark of light within us can become a huge flame. Once you discover the spark, ask even more of it – to expand within you, take root in you, and become an inspiration of strength for you even when things seem difficult. Make the intention to get to know yourself as The Light, becoming more and more comfortable with affirming that for yourself.

Finally, be absolutely unwilling to allow that darkness to tell its lies to you. In being an inspiration for yourself, you will be an inspiration for others to find their own light.

Welcome home. You matter and the world needs you. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

11-22-23 I’m back after 2½ weeks away to Toronto (Stew had a gig there), and 2 Chiropractic from the Heart workshops, 1 in England and 1 in Spain. I love my life! It might be worth honestly asking yourself if you love your life. Cuz if you don’t, now would be the time to do something about that (and of course I can help you with that).

So, a friend asked me if the workshops energized me or depleted me. Good question. And the honest answer is they do both. I hold a container so folks feel safe and seen and heard, and that takes sustained focus and presence. Some of what we do there is very physically demanding on me, as well. And it’s a lot of energy; there are more people than I am usually around when I’m home. So, I do feel a little drained and that’s why it’s important that I do my own work in between sessions, heal my stuff and clear out as much as I can. More often than not, a major part of my healing involves simply acknowledging stuff and unconditionally loving myself even with that. That builds up my resilience as well so I can give as much as I do and hold the container.

Overall, though, the workshops absolutely nurture and energize me. I’m surrounded by like-minded folks who love what I love. I am always filled with awe at the courage, honesty and vulnerability they express. I am nourished by their trust in me (and Stew). I am lifted up by all the love, tears and laughter that’s shared. I feel my own self-imposed boundaries melt away, my heart bursts wide open and I experience a deep connection to each person present. I am bathed in Love’s deep healing. So, thank you to all the warriors who participated!

There is no greater gift than knowing that l deserve love…no matter what I have done or left undone…no matter what I have said, or think I should have said…no matter what crazy, terrible, hateful, judgmental thoughts I entertain…I deserve love! Always! And so do you! I invite you to say exactly that to yourself now – and as often as you can – and say it with deep love and feeling for your awesome self.

So, if you’ve been holding out on giving yourself love, it doesn’t matter. It only matters that you begin the journey now. It’s the most important thing you can do for yourself, your loved ones, those you serve, and the world. Reach out to me, to someone else, or a group where you live, or just start doing the work yourself (I have found it’s easier to do the work with support). You deserve it, and so do we. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

10-17-23 I think everyone is familiar with the first 2 lines of Rumi’s poem. And those 2 lines are worth living your life by. But give some of the rest your attention, too. This is but an excerpt of a much larger poem.

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.”

Today is a good day...and I make it so!

10-11-23 I was waiting to get my oil changed. My phone was without a charge.  My computer, which I brought to do work, didn’t have a connection to internet. I tried meditating but the music was blasting and definitely not “my style”. What’s a body to do? In one of my last posts I wrote about “killing time” and not being in favor of it. Here was another opportunity to look at that and I invite you to, as well. How often, for instance, do you fill up time by running to your cellphone…for example, when you’re in your car and stop at a light, do you immediately reach for your cellphone?

At the oil change station, I chose to breathe into my heart and transform my impatience into being with the present moment, and immediately felt love well up within me. I started looking at the young men working all around me and was able to see how hard they were working, and I sent them love. I was grateful for not having to work so hard like that which expanded into being grateful for my own experience of living a thriving life. Do you see how one moment can expand into the next changing the scenery?! Then I sent out that renewing energy to all those beings around me, for them to feel and know how good life is and to have their own dream life experiences.

With the music blasting, my guy is shouting at me to turn my lights on and off. I had a little trouble hearing him, but I ultimately did. In the moment there was gratitude for my hearing. I remembered that yesterday I was seated at a small creek, and the sound of the gentle ripples over the rocks was so peaceful. Being reminded of that hike, I also felt grateful for my eyes, blessing them for allowing me to see all the beautiful changing autumn colors. Feeling good, my body even started moving and grooving to the (still loud) beat.

There’s always something to be grateful for if I look for it. The good news is that when I am entertaining a gratitude consciousness I am tending to my own well-being. I experience renewing or regenerative feelings which takes me into a coherent state, that energetic state of being where I am able to draw upon my best self when my most empowering thoughts are easily available and my body is rebuilding itself in ease and strength.

I hope I am inspiring you to realize how powerful you are. You can always bring in a positive energy and a new perspective to whatever is going on in your life and certainly, around the world. One more example, if you’ll indulge me. The window washer, Chris was here and he was ready to do the outside. I tell him, “Let me know if you need anything.” He says, “Yea, peace in the world.” I respond, “I’m working on it,” to which he replies, “Work harder.” He’s joking, but I’m not. I truly believe that every time I choose a peaceful thought, especially in the face of conflict in my personal life, and even with what’s going on in the world, I add peaceful energy into the world’s energy field, making it one smidgeon more possible to find peaceful solutions.

That goes for all of us. What you’re thinking and feeling makes a difference! You might be feeling hopeless at the world situation or how your life is going, but, please, keep aligning yourself with your heart. Every single time makes a difference! That is one of the most important and powerful actions you can take.

So, I realized, when Chris said, “Work harder,” I can. There are still so many times I’d rather be right rather than loving. There are still moments where I unwittingly dismiss someone because they have a different opinion. I still sometimes let myself unconsciously get away with “they” language, talking about 1 person and lumping them with a whole group. I am so grateful to have the tools to know I matter, that I’m powerful, and I can make a difference. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

10-3-23 The following “6 Practices of Integrity” came up in my calendar book this month. It caught my interest because integrity is one of my power words. Here are my thots on what was presented (the following is their specific order):

1.Think Before We Act. Do you already know what I’d say to this? Hopefully, because it’s really all I talk about and the only thing that matters and makes a true difference. Go to your heart! First. Second. Third. When I do that, all that I do is an expression of Love as the truth of me.

2.Never Commit To Anything Where We Lack Passion. Love this one. Doing something without passion is a great clue that I am motivated from “I should do this” and disconnected from the heart, life and power of who I want to be. Even if I feel I have no choice, I still have a choice in what kind of energy I can put into doing something.

3. Keep Your Word. Definitely a biggie in the integrity department and is extremely important to me. “Flakey” is a word we attribute to people who say they’ll do something and don’t follow through. We all know them, perhaps you even have a friend you label that way. We laugh about it, because after all, they’re good-hearted people. Yet, I believe we are all guilty of not following through on our word to ourselves to some degree. That makes me very sad because we don’t realize that when we don’t keep our word, we are fragmenting ourselves. Unconsciously, we are sabotaging ourselves from being our biggest best self and that’s an unnecessary tragedy.

4. Always Treat Others With Respect. If I am living according to my principles, AKA being in integrity, how could I do otherwise? This has been one of my life-long learning lessons, and one where I still struggle. When I make others wrong, I am out of integrity, and I suffer. And so I’m learning to treat MYSELF with respect and not allow myself to get away with such unacceptable behavior (in my case, thoughts). It always starts with me and ends with me, thank goodness.

5. Tell The Truth. This one is like #3. Many of us don’t outright lie but we’re pretty comfortable with white lies. We believe that a white lie is preferable to causing unnecessary hurt. I would ask you to examine this belief. When I used to indulge in white lies it was more likely that I was more concerned with myself and not having to deal with the consequences of being honest.  My friends tell me I’m the most honest person they know. Stew knows I never lie. I’m proud of that. Even a hard truth can be shared compassionately, and in that vulnerability more connection is created. That’s the kind of world I want to live in.

6. Always Favor Action. There’s a native American quote I love, “When you pray, move your feet”. But I also know that they sat in the stillness for as long as it took to get heart-centered before taking any action. This is my practice, too. And sometimes my guidance is a “sacred no”. When I give myself time to be in the stillness it helps me to take right action, as well as what actions to NOT take. I am very action-oriented, but I also advocate a slowed-down life. I choose to not be wrapped up in busy-ness, even though that is the world I see all around me. I am the change I wish to see in the world. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

9-16-23 Here are some lessons I learned from the summer:

I injured a rib and movement, especially hiking, caused my heart rate to accelerate, which then caused my mind to go to some dark rabbit holes. AND, every single time I went to my heart and breathed into Love, as I’ve trained myself to do, my body ailments somewhat eased and my mind anxieties quieted down. Every single time. I was also reminded that it’s appropriate, from a heart space, to mourn what seems like aging body failures and give myself compassion for the sometimes-crazy ways in which my brain responds to that. I always have a choice and I can always change my reality.

I have an abundance of nature-awe-moments because I cultivate that. When I am in nature, I spend a lot of it in silence so I can hear what the Life around me is saying. My silence doesn’t mean I am busy thinking about stuff; that would also prevent me from seeing what’s going on around me that most people miss. Instead, I walk with softer eyes that are tuned into a different frequency than the “normal” busy, faster, not-really-present energy that’s so prevalent in our world. Then I’m creating a reservoir to draw from when the environment and the world feels harsher to deal with. Joy is always available to me because I’ve cultivated that knowing and it lives right inside of me.

As usual, this summer there have been many moments of reflection and feelings of deep gratitude for my very blessed life during my silent hikes. But I have also shed a lot more tears this summer, even as I found myself in the midst of a beautiful scene, whether immersed in the embrace of water, or expanding my perspectives from a peak view, or celebrating life in the color glory of the flowers. As I’ve mentioned in recent writings, I have a dear friend going through a journey with cancer. It’s very strange that we spend most of our lives ignoring the fact of how fleeting life is, and therefore, we waste so many of our precious moments. I’m guessing that many of you can relate to how different things seem and feel when the awareness of our mortality touches us when someone close to us is struggling to stay alive or perhaps has given up the struggle. Our hearts crack wide open as we experience everything so much more deeply. One gift of that is, very often, we realize that so much of what we carry around and surround ourselves with is bullshit and unimportant, and we can let it all go.

For myself, I have worked hard to remember that I don’t want to waste any of this life, and that’s where all the motivation for all my self-work comes from. Valuing my life in more of my moments also fuels my mission to share whatever I can to inspire you and others to do that work, too.

If not now, when? What I do matters, what you do matters, and it all builds heart reservoir for the planet, and that really matters. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

8-15-23 I’m at Donner Lake, passing time while Stew is adjusting folks nearby. Afterwards we’re heading for a week away at the coast to see our daughter. It isn’t as nice here as “my” Lake Tahoe. There’s a lot of traffic noise as a major highway climbs up the mountain above the lake. The lake is narrow so there’s a lot of jet ski and motor boat noise close to the shore, and there’s WAY more folks walking along than I’m used to. Yet, as I sit here, many folks passing by are saying, “Oh how beautiful!”

Hearing that, I realize that I’m wasting wonderful moments by complaining and comparing when I could be enjoying. It occurs to me that I am simply “killing time.” What a strange concept when I think about it. Time is so very precious! The older I get the faster life seems to fly by, but when I’m present and in the moment time slows down.

Right now I have a dear friend who is fighting for her life and she would undoubtedly appreciate all the time she can get. Each moment is so very precious!

It's all a matter of perspective, isn’t it?! And since I’m definitely not in favor of killing time, I tell myself to shift my perspective and look with different eyes. I take a plunge into the water even though it’s a little cool and breezy and it immediately blesses me, as it always does. I choose an attitude of gratitude – after all there are lots of folks sweltering in the heat right now, with absolutely no access to water. And how many people can take a dip on any day, looking at the clouds while floating?

I was in the bathroom earlier, and there were a couple of kids who were aghast and complaining that there were no toilet seat covers, paper towels or soap. They had no idea what a privilege it is to live in a place like ours; to have that public bathroom available in the first place.

That helped me look around with my fresh eyes and I saw so many people enjoying themselves, dogs playing, babies and children shrieking with joy.

I have to wonder why do I ever waste any of my moments in any unhealthy use of imagination? Comparison and judgment, as well as worry, anger, anxiety, etc. all take me away from my heart and from residing in this present moment. Now is the only time when love is available - to heal me and fill me with awe, wonder and well-being. When I choose to be grateful, practicing in those times when things are good but maybe just not as I would prefer, it strengthens the muscle that allows me to be grateful even when things are really difficult or rotten. I can always choose a different perspective that includes love. So can you. I invite you to consciously choose a different perspective, one that includes love and gratitude, the next time you notice you’re grumbling about something. Expand yourself into the true magic of life.

Back at the lake, now that I’m paying more attention to appreciating where I am just as it is, the background noises fade. I notice I’m feeling calmer, happier, more relaxed. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

7-26-23 I have said I love all the seasons, each one having its own unique flavor of lessons to share. Summer is about fullness, life expressing its passion and juiciness! My heart has been so full lately from all the summer gifts of ripeness. Stew especially likes peak hiking with all its immense views. At 10,000 feet in elevation there’s nothing blocking you, reminding me to “get high” in my consciousness and see the bigger picture when things are loading me down. I love hikes with water, where the destination is a lake or where streams are flowing. Water’s voice always has a message for me. Sometimes a gentle stream will slow me down, helping me get into my inner stillness. Other times a rushing stream’s flow will help me disperse stuck energy. Well, can you imagine my ecstasy when water everywhere is combined with a peak like on our recent hike?!

We had such an abundant winter that we’re just getting to the high country here, a month later than usual. A few days ago, we challenged ourselves crossing streams and snowpacks. We literally felt like we had been transported to the Garden of Eden. Even though we had been on this hike in other years the elements conspired to make it all new.

I LOVE that about life, it’s always changing, and the old adage, “You can’t step into the same river twice” is sooooo true. That’s another lesson nature reminds me of, the world around me is constantly changing and I, too, am brand new each moment. Unless, of course, I bring my old stuff with me. I can choose to come into each moment full of hope, wonder, awe – the same old same old only applies in minds and old patterns but never never never in life as it unfolds in splendor all around me or in my heart that only knows Love.

We got around a bend on our hike and hundreds of tiger lilies appeared, swaying in the breeze with a waterfall as a backdrop. I was so moved I started crying. In that moment, I was deeply connected to myself and to all of life. There was only Love. I was only Love! I invite you to affirm that for yourself and break the stuck patterns right now. I dare you to do something – anything – that will knock your heart wide open…then look around, with those new eyes.

What moves you? What brings you to stillness? Or tears of gratitude or reverence? And if you don’t know, what are you waiting for? Find out because life is short. And you matter too much and deserve to experience that…often. Now is the time to know what brings you joy and the fullness of life. Yes, shmutz happens -  being in your heart doesn’t prevent shmutz from happening - but it sure helps me have more heart resilience to deal with whatever comes my way.

Today is a good day...and I make it so!

7-14-23 A topic that has come up lately among many of the folks I speak with is self-care. Two things became evident to me. People often have a misconception around what that means, and especially, don’t realize how important it is.

Self-care isn’t always an active thing, in other words, it isn’t always an action you take. And, when you do take an action step, self-care doesn’t necessarily or exclusively mean to only do something luxurious for yourself or something you wouldn’t normally do for yourself.

My primary definition of self-care is about noticing whether I am caring more for others than I am for myself so that I am running on empty and beginning to feel resentful, frustrated, and/or impatient. I’ll notice I am feeling more exhausted and starting to have a very short fuse. What do you notice about yourself when you’re making giving to others more important than giving to yourself?

We are all natural givers – the key for me is to stay in balance and aware of my own needs. Sometimes that means saying no to others, or even saying no to my own endless to-do list. I translate that into, “I’m saying yes to that part of me that needs nourishing.” I have many different needs, so self-care might mean being quiet today in solitude, an adventurous hike the next day, and asking for help the day after that. So, that wonderful luxurious pampering that we do every now and then (like a massage or an expensive dinner out) definitely has its place, but I’m talking about a deeper, everyday level of self-care that keeps me feeling my best, being resilient for dealing with whatever comes my way, and in top energy form so that I can continue to give from a pure place.

 Self-care is about residing in my heart, aligning myself with Love, and spending time in Be-ing as well as making sure to take the time to do all the many different activities that nourish me. Self-care starts with how I talk to myself, especially when I give myself self-compassion and gentle acceptance after one of my more “human” moments. Self-care has me uplifting, inspiring and encouraging myself, rather than waiting for others to do that for me. It’s all about honoring myself right where I am.

One of the best ways I’ve learned to take care of myself is to practice all the heart-centered tools I’ve shared with you here. Another favorite self-care tool is getting outside and conversing with nature – that takes care of me on a lot of different levels. And I do that often. What’s your way?

You matter. You make a difference. You’re needed on this planet for all you have to share. And to do that, it would help to make the choice to keep your energy tank full of nourishing and life-giving Love, in all the unique ways that you need it. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

6-29-23 Stew and I went on a hike last week. We didn’t realize how this particular area had been devastated from a fire a few years back (not the one everyone heard about in the news but an equally devastating although smaller fire in the next county). We shed tears as we hiked and then we began to notice all the amazing green growth all around. It was as if life was quadruple-y concentrated and pouring extra doses of love everywhere we looked.

Looking at this healing of the forest going on around us, we opened up to all of Nature’s messages. Happily, Nature didn’t say to Itself, “I’ve had a rough time here and I’m giving up…I refuse to give forth life here anymore and I’m just gonna sulk…I refuse to share my beauty and gifts because someone’s just going to end up burning them down…and I’m just going to sink down into my own pity party and I’m done.” I must admit that I am very capable of thinking just those kinds of thoughts. And to what purpose? All that does is put me in a small dark box where I stop sharing my light with the world and I shut myself off from my own heart which can help me hold the difficult moments.

It is true that the trees that are gone will not be totally replaced for at least another 100 years. There is a right and proper time to mourn and grieve what is lost or forever changed. It’s important, though, to do it residing in my heart, so my mind and heart are coherent. When I focus on life’s difficulties flying solo in my brain all I see is the chaos and ugliness I and others often create and all I feel is hopelessness.

The new growth, the incredible lushness of the undergrowth and flowers, spoke directly to my heart, saying, “Stay open, stay authentic to yourself and feel everything you’re feeling, and still witness how life doesn’t give up and how beautiful is the phoenix rising from the ashes!”

On another hike there was a rushing river and waterfalls. And there in the midst of the river was a fairly good-sized tree growing. It seemed like a ridiculous place for it to be. Yet, there the seed had landed, and by golly, that tree was giving everything it could towards its growth - and it was thriving. I can do that anywhere, anytime, no matter what is going on around me, or despite what might be going on in my head. And so can you!

And mostly I love being out in Nature because it takes me out of my head, out of my endless wheel of continuous thoughts, most of which are a wo/man-made myth that don’t serve me. Nature soothes my savage beast and tucks me into my heart where I can know there are unlimited possibilities, there’s a rhythm to life, with its cycles and energy flows, my eyes are open to hidden mysteries, and I remember how to Be with life instead of just doing it. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

Those are some of the reasons I love being out in nature. There’s always an opportunity for heart opening, with its softening and healing. There’s always a metaphor for life that is exactly perfect for what I’m dealing with in that moment. There’s always something I’ll experience that strengthens my hope and/or awe muscles. What are some of your reasons? Today is a good day...and I make it so!

6-10-23 I have been feeling especially grateful for my life, for being me, ever since returning from our Europe trip. Working off the theme from our CFTH’s (Chiropractic from the Heart), I have been choosing to have a heart of peace (rather than a heart of war). I help myself get off to a good start for that intention by blessing everyone in my life. But by that I don’t mean just those in my life now that love and support me; that’s easy, of course.

I have also been blessing those with whom I’ve had conflict with in the past. Although it was extremely difficult to deal with at the time, those situations forced me to consciously choose how I was going to deal with what was going on. I could stay in (or return to) my heart, creating peace, or I could reside in my head which would only keep me at war with myself, keep me separate from Love, out of integrity with all my principles and everything I say I believe in and work for. At first, my heart of war screamed so loudly for blaming/making the other person wrong and attaching all the nasty labels that accompanied that kind of thinking. I wanted to add to the violence by attacking back. But happily, that kind of thinking didn’t last too long because of all the tools I’ve practiced. That’s no longer who I am. My initial judgment of everybody and everything and the ensuing suffering that always follows helped me strengthen my acceptance, compassion and forgiveness muscles. Once I allowed myself to grieve and give myself self-compassion for my own hurt, I could be with the whole situation differently and heal how I was perceiving that person.

 And of course I have been blessing all of you who have given me so much just by allowing me into your lives. Some of you I have never met, perhaps you just read these posts. Some of you I’ve met just once, or maybe more, when you bravely showed up for a CFTH. Others I’ve been blessed to know more intimately through coaching you. And I just wanted to tell you all how amazing you are. Breathe that in, please. Really let it land.

You care so much. You give so much…you serve so ceaselessly and heartfully. You have deep sorrows and big schmootz, sometimes…you fall, you get up. You work so hard on being the best you. You cry, you laugh, you live life fully. You face the critics all around you and the critics in your head daily. You reside in your heart in more and more of your moments just by daring to be you…unique, powerful, loving you! Don’t let anything, or anyone stop you…especially you. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

5-23-23 Wow friends, it’s been a long time! I just returned from 3 weeks of fabulous travels in Europe, which included 2 successful Chiropractic from the Hearts. Our workshops inspire me how courageous people are and I’m always so grateful for the life-changing healing that Stew and I are witness to as people allow themselves to be vulnerable and learn to reside in their hearts.

Still, it is a process and it’s evident to see, both with them and with others I do HeartMath work with (as well as in my own journey), that even when we have the tools it takes incredible effort to get out of the habit of approaching everything from our heads. So, I am offering this as encouragement to all of us to remember that and be gentle with ourselves during the process of creating a new baseline.

At the workshops, exercise after exercise of learning how to focus on going to the heart happened easily and effortlessly, until it became time to actually apply it to a real-life situation. In my weekly HeartMath group, folks present problems they’re dealing with, and constantly forget until they’re reminded it’s impossible to solve problems from a head space and to focus 18” lower to get their heart wisdom. I, too, still see how often I can fool myself and I accept that it’s logical to be critical and judgmental. I no longer beat myself up when that happens, just give a quiet “duh”, with the realization, “Oh, that’s why I’m struggling, of course. Once again I’m in my head and not my heart.”

I believe that the only reason I now recover quickly when I revert to being stuck in my head and old, habitual patterns is because I constantly immerse myself in doing my self-work. It’s definitely helpful when I go to a weekend heartful workshop or have a once-a-week meeting with like-minded folks to remind myself of tools. But, honestly, it’s not enough. I urge you to join me in taking the deeper plunge.

Creating daily practices of living from my heart allows me to access my heart in more of my moments, even when I get triggered and forget. I schedule regular meeting times with myself throughout the day to assess how I’ve been doing and then practice a heart-based tool.  My family knows how much I desire to be in integrity through living my principles, staying in Love, and being the person I say I am. Since I am with them the most, it helps me so much that they hold me accountable.

There’s no reason to let our old mind patterns continue to have power over us and keep us from thriving and living our dream. It’s OK to admit we made a mistake (or many) and were less skillful than we hoped in how we expressed ourselves in any given moment. It’s OK that we experience difficult feelings and limiting thoughts. What isn’t OK is when we beat ourselves up about all that. We don’t have to stay in a self-sabotaging downward spiral because of it. It’s especially OK to ask for help from safe people. That might just be the bravest thing. I’d love to be one of your safe people. Today is a good day...and I make it so! www.everydaywholeness.net

4-3-23 In my last post, I explored how being authentic means accepting that I am both human and spirit. And huzzah to all the folks who shared with me instances when they still claimed their bigness despite how unskillfully their humanness presented. Now, let’s go a little deeper exploring the topic of authenticity.

For a long time, it was my experience that in order to be a noble person, I also had to be an imposter. Most days included numerous moments of unskillfulness that led to feelings of doubt, worry, anger or fear. Again, in order to present the image of good or noble person, I thought having those human feelings had to be hidden, and therefore, I had to deny a large part of my human experience. Essentially it meant I was fragmenting myself and actually pushing away my wholeness and any chance I had to live authentically. There was a whole lot of pretending going on.

Then came the double whammy of “shoulding” on myself and making myself wrong. “I shouldn’t ever feel angry/upset/hurt,” or “I should never be judgmental,” and finally, “I should always be nice/polite/accommodating.”

Bullshit! I have happily learned that I should be exactly where I am and experience exactly what I am feeling in the moment. This is being true to myself and it is me being exactly authentic. My two expressions of Self are not separate, and they both deserve a voice. My life is made up of magical moments. In some of my moments I’m less skillful than I would like, and I get to learn from my mistakes (which can sometimes feel on the slow side). Other times I’m feeling pretty in synch with the flow of Life. In fact, often, I can seesaw back and forth rather quickly.

That’s it, that’s all being authentic means. I see my behavior, I acknowledge it, I learn from it. I also surround myself in compassion and I extend compassion to others. I make amends when I have to (whether to myself or an action to another person).

But the key point is always bringing my HeartSelf into the mix. There’s a whole lot I’ve learned from being human. One of the biggest gifts has been learning how to express my primal “cavewoman” in a healthier way; giving voice to her in a kinder and gentler way without continually hurting myself and others. Nowadays I satisfy my needs with guidance from my HeartSelf rather than following unconscious habitual patterns. I am so grateful for the journey…all of it. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

3-23-23 Authenticity seems to be a popular topic lately. Stew and I did a Warrior’s Circle a few weeks ago on it because it had come up in quite a few client conversations. If you want to watch it, let me know and I can send you the recording…it’s a good one. Here’s a few more thoughts I had. The authentic self or, as they called it in a recent article I just read, the essential self, or higher self, or God self, is where we want to reside in more of our moments. It’s what we talk about every week in the Warrior Circle – Love as our true nature; living, believing, and acting from that essential truth. I often call this my HeartSelf, or Big Self.

Nothing to argue about there, right? After all, it’s what we all want. The problem arises in what we are actually making “authentic” mean to us. Often, we make being authentic translate to being perfect. However, it’s impossible to always show up as our best self and, therefore, we use that as evidence that we’re not being authentic in the world. Often, when we’re in our humanness, we’re experiencing messiness, feeling the difficult feelings, and being unskillful in our relationships or at work or in our lives. We’re making mistakes, falling down rabbit holes and clawing our way back up. And then we try to hide it from the world, and very often from everyone else.

This was my life for a long time.

Breaking down the walls I had built up around my heart, through self-inquiry, and learning to live more in, and therefore from, my heart, allowed me to accept my humanness. Being honest with myself, and others, and surrounding myself with compassion allowed me to express that humanness in healthier ways.

My friends, messiness, difficult feelings, and confusing thoughts are part of the fullness of life because we are both human and spirit in a body.

It is inevitable that I am sometimes going to present “imperfectly”. Making myself wrong or bad around that only occurs when I put expectations on myself about being perfect or always presenting nicely, or as superwoman. I have many labels I can put on myself that will absolutely guarantee I will fail. And when I let my humanness convince me I’m a horrible person because of that, I believe I don’t deserve and will never deserve to say – to believe – to claim myself as an elevated being, healer, teacher and inspirer.

The paradox of being alive is to be able to know we live in both worlds. The magic key for me is to enfold myself in compassion when I am immersed in my human suffering and can’t seem to find my way to the light. Then my seeming faults can become a bridge rather than a wall. We all have our human stuff and I’m doing the best I can…and so is everyone else!

So I am human AND I am also the spirit of Love. It always helps when I can remember that the light is there, within me, maybe buried deep, but it’s there and I will access it again. To be continued…

Today is a good day...and I make it so!

3-7-23 This past month I’ve been experiencing distressing heart palpitations. I’ve had them off and on ever since going through early menopause 20 years ago. This time they felt a little less manageable. A friend was going through her own stuff at the same time and we were discussing what I do to help myself. It was a great discussion because, in attempting to explain what I do for myself in such times, it led me to slow down and really be with what I do rather than being on auto-pilot with it all. Sitting with my experience and healing through it demanded all my attention…which was good because there was nothing and no one more important and deserving of my attention. I got very mindful with each step of healing. I approached everything with beginner’s mind, allowing my self-inquiry to reveal deeper answers rather than bring up what I thought I already knew.

A main tool is to consistently ask myself, “What story are you telling yourself?”  Otherwise, I tend to feel like a victim, even though I was creating the story, led by my own unconscious thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. Although this time the palpitations seemed worse, I am proud that I got through it nonetheless, and what helped me the most was examining what story I was telling myself through it all.

You see, even though I knew I would get through it, on some level I was still telling myself I might not. Although I was telling myself I was safe, I still felt unsafe – so I had to get specific with and every thought of un-safety. Rather than just tell myself I was strong and push through it, I facilitated deeper healing by honestly acknowledging what I was feeling, what I was making it mean and then addressing all of that with compassion and gentleness. I was able to use Ho’opono pono (a Hawaiian community forgiveness practice I’ve been using a lot) between me and my body without the blame/shame game and making myself wrong.

I thank goodness for all my tools, especially my HeartMath practices that help me access my heart and it’s wisdom and inspiration. I don’t know how the rest of the world gets through any of their problems without them. That’s why I love sharing and teaching those tools - because they’ve helped me so much.

I’ve been through so much these past 3 years: a major “job” change, losing a lot of friends, caring for and saying good-bye to my mother-in-law as well as my 4-legged best friend, oh and let us not forget Stew’s hip surgery, which was probably more of a difficult process for us in many ways than folks might realize.

Yet, throughout all that, the big-picture story I kept repeating to myself is how precious life is, how specifically blessed I am, how there is always wonder and awe waiting around each corner, and that the most important thing I could do was nurture love within me, no matter what, and then keep sharing that love with the world. That’s a story worth repeating. Today is a good day...and I make it so!

2-14-23 Every week Stew and I spend a day devoted to nurturing our relationship. Included in that is doing a couples exercise to connect with each other and keep our love alive. (After 3 years we’re very excited to be getting close to completing our upcoming book with a year’s worth of these exercises and more, wahoo!)

Prior to our writing exercise we read a few from past years (we’ve been doing this for almost 20 years). I just re-read this one and thought it was a good one to share…

What do I do that brings healing to the world?

1.     Be conscious of my thoughts and always work to get back to joy

2.     Honor authentic me, so getting to #1 sometimes means honoring harder feelings first. I am good at doing that in gentleness and compassion

3.     Work on not letting myself get away with making people wrong

4.     Love and celebrate myself

5.     Indulge in my joy often, which means a lot of hiking and immersing in Tahoe’s many waters in summer and cross-country asking and sledding in winter

6.     Let my silly out to play and laugh a lot

7.     Walk my talk environmentally and socially, living true to my values and principles

8.     Always look for magic, wonder and awe

9.     I cry at reading Lord of the Rings

I am hoping it inspires you to write your own answer to the above question. There are no rules, there is no right or wrong way to answer the question, you don’t even have to use correct English, and you certainly don’t have to share it with anyone else, but it’s kinda fun when you do.  In fact, you can ask someone you trust to join you in the exercise and it’s a great way to connect heart-to-heart.

Sometimes I forget how much I do to empower myself that also heals the world. Because, make no mistake, anything we do to live more from our wholeness, more aligned with Love, nurturing ourself in self-care and well-being, will always bring more kindness, compassion and Love into the world. So happy celebrating yourself…

Today is a good day...and I make it so!