3-30-21 Stew and I did a zoom workshop a few days ago on “Joy”. In leading a meditation about connecting with our inner joy, I mentioned that joy could feel big or small, quiet or loud. Because, for me, joy is mine when I am fully present with what is, and deeply connected with the feelings within me, whatever they are, and however I label them. Of course, the emotions of being at the ocean with a crashing surf feel different to me than the emotions that mourning, or hardship or just meditating bring. The experience of being at the ocean always thrills me, energizes me, makes me happy. Given a choice, most of us, including me, would rather have a happy day at the ocean than go through a difficult day. Yet, however life presents itself, joy is present for me, even in the midst of hardship and yes, even in the presence of mourning.

 Does that seem impossible for you? I made the decision, many years ago now, to explore my inner world, face my fears and wounds, and to feel the grief and anger of that. I was amazed to discover that not only did that help to heal me, but it softened my heart and opened me up to more positive feelings as well. Being present, feeling life, even with its servings of downward spirals, cracked my heart wide open…so, yes, I feel privileged to now be able to feel my sorrow so deeply because that means I am connected to my heart and I have given myself permission to feel. I had so often been afraid to feel the pain because I thought it was too big and would break me. Just the opposite was true – it actually built me up and expanded me as I discovered the strengths and courage that helped me through those times.

As I connected with and acknowledged all the pain in my heart, I also realized I had kept myself small, was afraid of letting myself shine. I didn’t own my power because that also felt too big for me and would break me. I felt undeserving and not enough. Joy made itself known to me through all the cracks.

I refused to feel for so long and only half-participated in life, did just enough to survive. Yet, the life within you and I is so big, so rich, so full, always precious. It doesn’t discriminate against us and hold back its gifts based on what we’ve said or not said, done or not done. Only we do that to ourselves. And only we can make the choice to open our hearts widely and fully to all that life offers. No matter what’s going on for us or in the world, we can dive into our hearts and feel. No one can do it for us.

I want to bloom the full glory of me, claiming myself as an amazing, unique expression of Life’s Fullness. It’s never too late to plant spring seeds in our own consciousness - claim for ourselves our birthright of being amazing, unique expression of Life’s Fullness. We are more than enough…and we all deserve to thrive. Today is a good day...and I make it so!