4-12-22 I am in a weekly HeartMath support circle (we just labeled ourselves the Good Vibe Tribe) and we were discussing anger. One member of the group was saying that, paradoxically, the more she got in touch with her heart the more she was getting in touch with the anger her inner child had experienced. Another of the group was talking about a protest she had participated in that was for peace (in the Ukraine) but, ironically, there was a lot of anger in the air.

The 1st woman didn’t know what to do with her anger and it scared her. Yes, anger is scary because when we are experiencing anger it means we are in our heads and that is a very scary place to hang out. And as long as it remains in our heads and we’re only thinking about it, it’s going to continue to feel overwhelming and destructive and we won’t know what to do with it. Anger means staying stuck in the story we’ve created around whatever “it” is.

I tend to use anger to not look at the real issue and stay stuck in my head creating separation both within myself and externally. My inner-directed anger encloses me in a limiting and negative box in which I become quite capable of saying very negative things to myself. And the story I add on to that is to believe that I’m powerless, horrible and ‘less than’.

Contrary to that, when I direct my anger outward, I feel very powerful and that’s why I often “enjoy” my anger and defend it with righteous indignation. It also means I will easily turn anyone else involved into “them”, giving free rein to what they did or didn’t do, and making them wrong and/or stupid.

Each of us in the group could relate to some time in our lives when we had experienced great anger. And since we are a HeartMath support group, we used our tools to heal those wounds. We each recalled an experience of debilitating anger. Then we got coherent, meaning we got into our hearts so we could bring forth a more renewing, a more regenerative feeling. With an open heart, now we could wrap ourselves up in compassion for all that the anger represented for us. You see, my friends, it’s only when I’m in my heart that I can shine the light of love on my anger and see what lies underneath it - usually sadness and hurt. Those are emotions that I can actually feel, and when I give myself compassion (or acceptance or understanding, etc.), interestingly enough, I am also giving myself what I need and that self-action helps to heal and transform the “anger.” The anger stemmed from my heart being broken, but I couldn’t fix it because I was in my head with it. My heart always has a solution.

The group discovered what Marshall Rosenburg called the “right use” of anger. When I engage with my heart, anger becomes a tool that can work for me. WITH heart it’s about me, identifying my needs and what’s missing for me. With heart come solutions on how to fulfill those needs. There may be external things I can do, or not, but giving myself compassion is a great first step to giving myself what I need. Today is a good day...and I make it so!