12-20-23 A friend recently said, “when I’m doing everything right, then life feels like teddy bears and roses. And when life isn’t going right, I make it mean I’m doing something wrong, and I beat myself up”. Wow…right?! Do you see yourself in that statement? Too often, I allow my brain to lead me down the fight or flight path. I forget to get back into my heart where I know I’m ok, even with whatever schmutz I find myself in and whatever it’s bringing up for me.

Tonight is the Solstice…the promise of the return of the light. That must be especially welcome when you live in the far North. I use the Solstice as a great opportunity to affirm the Light within me and build the flame into a bonfire. But how about when we put ourselves in the “far North”, when we evict ourselves from our heart, and everything seems so dark and overwhelming, where we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s how I felt when I awoke this morning, and every fiber of my being was resisting doing a ceremony. Yesterday I had a difficult meeting with someone, and I was feeling raw, beaten up and stepped on. I recognized my inner child’s need for fairness coming out, with her stubbornly saying, “I’m not going to look for the light…I’m going to stay here in the dark even though I know I’m sabotaging myself.” This was an extremely old pattern of hurt reaction. So, I voiced a very heart-felt sigh – and proceeded to do my self-work.

First and foremost, I gave myself compassion, right where I was and just as I was expressing - for where I was in my consciousness, for how I felt, for what I had experienced to bring me to this depth. Gentle, baby steps of self-compassion.

Then I asked for help. I reached out and had a call with a friend, who reminded me she knows a different Hillary. And when she does see the “faults” in me, she loves me anyway. That helped me remember that I can always love me anyway as well—because I am love and I am lovable. I’m hoping you have friends like that, too.

Please, in this season of Light, however you may celebrate the holidays, take hope that even when you’re struggling with the darkness and feeling so bad, there is something within you that knows the light…every cell in your body came from the light; it was birthed from Love, from original goodness. You deserve to claim, “I Am the Light”, so I invite you to join me in diving into being willing. If you can’t dive in, take some baby steps like the ones I described above. As long as we’re heading in the direction of our heart, we’ll always get there. And when we are willing to give up even the merest shred of beating ourself up to be a smidgeon more gentle with ourselves – the spark of light within us can become a huge flame. Once you discover the spark, ask even more of it – to expand within you, take root in you, and become an inspiration of strength for you even when things seem difficult. Make the intention to get to know yourself as The Light, becoming more and more comfortable with affirming that for yourself.

Finally, be absolutely unwilling to allow that darkness to tell its lies to you. In being an inspiration for yourself, you will be an inspiration for others to find their own light.

Welcome home. You matter and the world needs you. Today is a good day...and I make it so!